I struggled with whether or not to post about this. I know it can be controversial / taboo to discuss seeing a therapist, though many, many people do. Michael and I have talked about seeking that extra help at a few different points this year, but have never pulled the trigger. Mainly, the support needed is for me. Helping me work through the emotional toll and try not to let it drag me down too far. Michael has borne the brunt of that support so far and very successfully helped me bounce back to a more positive view of the path. The decisions are just getting harder, and the continued disappointment is hard on both of us. We are still a great team, and even more so now...this process hasn't broken anything in our relationship, thank God. It's more about being sure we are making the best decisions we possibly can, considering all the angles, and navigating the stress, heartache, and disappointment in a healthy and positive way.
But this is really not the point of this post, nor the reason for it's title...
While I was on the phone with the counselor, Michelle called. 9:38am. My heart stopped as I saw the call-waiting, and I knew I couldn't switch over. I went into a panic:
"This is way too soon to know anything, right? This must be awful news. Something must have gone wrong... Is it possible they lost the sample in the mail? Did it arrive damaged or unusable? The embryo is frozen now, they can't re-test it if there's something wrong with the sample. Oh please, God, don't let this be more bad news."
I hung up with the counselor, appointment set for next Wednesday. Maybe I should have asked her policy on emergency sessions for extra-bad news?
The voicemail from Michelle simply asked me to call her. My ears pricked for any indication of the nature of the situation, but I couldn't tell from her tone of voice if it was good or bad news...she is infuriatingly even keeled. Understandably so, I suppose, given the stress level of her audience...
Before retrieval, we had dubbed the follicles "The Fabulous Five"...then it was the "Fantastic Four" eggs, and the "Three Amigos" were our growing embryos. This last one, we have been calling "The Lone Ranger". So what does this call mean for our little Lone Ranger?
I sucked in a deep breath and called her back. My fingers fumbled, dialing the wrong extension. Redial. She answered! She is on the phone so much, I usually miss her and get her voicemail, then we play tag, but this time she answered.
Michelle: "Genesis (the genetic testing company) received your embryo sample and because they didn't have many queued up for testing, they were able to process it very quickly."
Me: "Ok..." holding my breath...heart pounding in my ears. Am I ready to know? I thought I'd have more time! This is happening too quickly! I'm not ready for it to be over!
Michelle: "Kelly, It's good news..."
Me: "Wait, what?" I swore I didn't hear that correctly. I plugged my opposite ear to be sure.
Michelle: "It's GOOD news...your embryo is normal. It's normal."
Me: "It is?"
Michelle: "Yes."
Me: "Oh my God! Wow...wow. Thank you!!! Thank you thank you thank you." Tears poured down my face, and I sobbed (loudly) on the phone. I didn't care... I was so happy, I couldn't stand it. We were so afraid...7 days, it didn't look good. The odds were against this, but IT WORKED!!
Me: "Finally some good news!"
Michelle: "Hahaha! Yes, I know, it's long overdue. I couldn't wait to tell you."
Michelle: "Do you want to know the sex?"
Me: ::sniff, sniff:: "Yes! Well... Yes, we want to know."
She told me. Now we know. Isn't science amazing?!
Our little embryo that took it's freaking time getting to blastocyst stage made it. Who would have thought the results would come in far earlier than planned and be NORMAL?! Michelle and our doctor have both said we are overdue for good news, and indeed they were right. We are so thankful to finally have some.
I know you are thinking, ok "NOW WHAT?!" I will post on that soon. We have some choices to make, but for now:
I dont remember this picture of you but I DO recognize the facial expression!
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