May 2017 - FET #2, The Wait

The transfer on May 3 went perfectly. Things were a little behind schedule, so by the time they called my name, I had been sitting in the prep-room with my gown and "Totally Fucking Awesome" socks on for about an hour and a half. My bladder was very full by then, making the transfer process quite a bit more uncomfortable than the first time. 

Before taking me to the operating room, my doctor gave us some pictures of the Lone Ranger. One from 9am and one from 1:00pm, showing the nice expansion and continued growth since thaw. The Lone Ranger had not yet hatched like Schrodinger had, which didn't concern him at all since Schrodinger had more time in the dish due to the 24hr genetic testing. He said TLR would likely hatch later that day, after transfer. 

 

The photo above shows the embryo at two different times, then the black image below shows a tiny white arrow pointing at the white blob that is the embryo and some fluid and bubbles that have been transferred into my uterus. 

Today is 7 days after transfer. The wait is always hard. This time has been no exception. One of the best descriptions of the "two week wait" I have seen can be found here. For your convenience, and in case it ever gets moved or deleted, I've pasted the excerpt below:

The following is from the blog of Aela Mass, who is hilarious and describes essentially what I have gone through during every two week wait ever:

The dreaded two-week wait. Those of us in this game know it as the 2ww. Those awful days between your pregnancy attempt — whether that be a natural try at home or a medicated attempt at the fertility center — and the day you get your pregnancy test results.

There are a few things to know about the two-week wait, but the most important is: Time will never move more slowly in your entire life than it does here. There are a handful of “stages” of this time period that women go through, each one solidifying this waiting game as a time of utter insanity.

1. The NBD Stage

This is how we all go into the 2ww. Positive. Hopeful. But, and especially if it’s not your first one, you also know to keep your cool. It’ll be what it’ll be. There’s nothing more you can do at this point. It’s now in God’s or the Universe’s or anyone else’s hands but your own. You’ve done all you can do, so now you just wait. No big deal. This stage usually lasts the first day, or maybe a full 36 hours. But that’s it.

2. OMG I Just Know I’m Pregnant Stage

This stage usually begins on the second or third day. You just know that you’re little embaby (the loving term you now call a fertilized egg) has found its way into your uterus lining and is busy making its home there. You tell yourself and your partner that you really think you’re pregnant. And you desperately find pregnancy symptoms in your daily routine:

Oh my God, I farted! It must be the baby.

I had a dream last night (doesn’t matter about what). It must be the baby. 

I just yawned. Wow, this first trimester exhaustion is serious!

3. UGH, I Just Don’t Think I’m Pregnant Stage

After a few days of convincing yourself that you’re definitely, definitely pregnant, you begin to doubt that you are. You just don’t “feel” it. Of course, at this point it’s impossible to feel anything, but you know that if you were pregnant, you’d be one of those women who just knew. But you don’t feel anything, and so you must not be pregnant.

4. Google Is My BFF Stage

It’s probably only five, maybe six days, since your attempt and you can’t do a single thing in the world except Google everything. What’s the earliest you can take a pregnancy test? When does implantation occur? How soon after implantation can you get a positive pregnancy test? Earliest symptoms of pregnancy — no, not at six weeks, I want the symptoms for three weeks one day! Oh, there aren’t any.You read pages and pages of fertility boards from 2009, even though you know treatments are totally different now. You search for any woman who had a dream like you did with the color tourmaline in it during their 2ww and ended up being pregnant.

5. The Boycott Google Stage

You realize all this Googling isn’t really helping, so you quit it. This lasts for an hour. Maybe two.

6. OK, Let’s Take a Home Pregnancy Test Stage

It’s way too early to get a positive response, but that one woman on the 2ww message board from 2011 got her first positive pregnancy test eight days into the wait, so if you’re pregnant, you will too. You don’t. But the test could be wrong. It’s too soon. No big deal. You shouldn’t have tested anyway. I mean, if you could find out sooner than the 2ww, the doctors would have you come in sooner. They are doctors, after all. That woman on the 2ww message board from 2011 was probably a lying troll anyway. You’ll never admit it, but later you dig the test out of the bathroom garbage to see if it changed. It didn’t.

7. Gloom and Self Pity Stage

At this stage, you’ve only got a few days left until your blood test. You’ve taken more than a handful of home pregnancy tests, maybe even bought them in bulk on Amazon. You wonder why you even bother. Why you put yourself through this. AGAIN. You think of ways to escape your reality. Maybe I should go live in a foreign country for a year doing something meaningful.Ugh, but it’s just all so unfair! Jill has FIVE kids and she doesn’t even appreciate motherhood. Really, who the heck has five kids these days? What’s wrong with me? What did I ever do to deserve this?

8. Total Insanity

You walk into your blood test feeling 100% insane. The last two weeks have made you question everything about your mental state. You tell yourself, like you did that first day, that it’s (still) out of your hands. You also tell yourself that you’ll be okay no matter what the test reveals. But you won’t be. You didn’t get into this to get a negative. You want out of this cycle of insanity so badly. If that test is negative, you’ll relive these two weeks again. And each time will pluck more bits of yourself from you.

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At this point I've hit stages 1-7, bouncing back and forth between 2 and 3 for a few days this past weekend. As we approach Friday's blood test, I'm gradually building up to stage 8. 

Yes, I have tested. This morning. And it was negative. It's not looking good at this point for The Lone Ranger.